Time is a bitter-sweet tool to help numb the harsh sting of death. However, nothing can ever replace the deep longing of wanting someone who has deceased to come back. The death of a loved one leaves an invisible scar within the heart, that can hurt years after someone has passed away. Overcoming the sting of death from a loved one is one of the hardest things, in my personal experience, to completely heal.
You could be out walking and pass someone with a familiar scent, and a million memories cross your mind in an instant due to a particular perfume or cologne. Suddenly your eyes start to water, and your heart begins to swell with emotions.
Many people question things like, how does someone overcome these feelings, is it controllable, what do you do when it happens in public? Keep reading below for tips, tricks, and advice on how to manage the sting of death, and how you can be there for someone going through this brutal part of life.
Tip Number One: Channeling the Hurt into Something Positive
A beautiful quote by Ovid says, “Be patient and tough; someday, this pain will be useful to you.” What I personally take from this quote is, by going through the pain and getting through the hurt, in a healthy, positive manner, can help you in the future.
For example, you could channel all your pain into art, and possibly become a famous artist; or you could dedicate yourself to helping others who have felt similar grief, and overcome their own sorrow.
Channeling your sadness into something positive, such as art, poetry, teaching, or guiding others out of similar situations can benefit you and others in a few ways.
Additionally, you could channel your pain into playing a sport, gaming, LARP, or another community-like activity. Surrounding yourself with like-minded people and having fun can help you get your mind off the loss of a loved one.
There are so many different groups for just about anything, a quick google search should be able to help you find a group of people you can relate to.
Channeling your pain into something positive like art or an active community can help you cope with the loss of a loved one by getting your mind off the unchangeable. You can also meet new people who can help you overcome your sorrows.
Tip Number Two: Let it Out and Cry, It’s Okay to Feel
Many people believe crying makes them look weak or undesirable. Crying and having emotions are healthy, and it’s also a way for our bodies to cope with stress.
Holding in emotions can have numerous adverse effects later, like breaking down over something small.
By giving yourself time to cry and process your feelings, you can begin to properly heal. When you hold in your distress, you can quickly become irritable, tired, angry, depressed, and unmotivated.
Crying is the body’s natural way to overcome pain, so don’t feel embarrassed or weak by letting out your emotions. Losing someone you love is something everyone goes through, it’s okay to cry. It takes a strong individual to display how they feel.
Tip Number Three: Surround Yourself with Positive Friends and Family
When someone you love is taken from this world, it’s easy to want to hide away from the world and ignore everyone. Don’t do that. Yes, it’s okay to take time to get over the death, however, don’t shut yourself away from the world.
Shutting yourself off from the rest of your friends and family, can cause deep spiraling depression and make you feel worse. Surrounding yourself with friends and family who care about you can help pull you out of depression and can eventually help cheer you up.
Your friends and family are your most powerful support system, they are there when you need them. However, many people do not have that type of support system. Though, there are organizations that have thousands of people who care about others and will talk to people going through a rough time.
How to Cope When Depression Hits in Public
As mentioned above, sometimes, being in public can trigger memories of a deceased loved one. When this happens, it can be challenging to manage your emotions.
If you need to quickly find an isolated spot like a bathroom or an empty store to collect your thoughts. If you begin to cry, remember that it’s okay and healthy to cry. Try taking deep breaths and focusing on good memories, talking to yourself, and reassuring yourself you are fine.
It can be embarrassing to start crying in public, I know this all too well. There was a time when whenever I saw an older couple, I would instantly begin to cry, leaving the person wondering why I was sobbing like a child who lost her favorite toy.
Little did they know, I had gone through the death of a close friend, and I kept thinking, “she will never grow to be old.” That particular realization caused me to weep every time I saw someone elderly, for almost two weeks. There was nothing I could do except go through the emotions and get past the pain. Sometimes that’s all anyone can do, is let the pain pass.
Helping Others Cope with the Death of a Loved One
Sometimes you may find yourself in a situation where one of your friends is experiencing the death of a loved one, and you don’t know how to help them. This is a time where all you need to do is be there as a shoulder to cry on and have an open ear to listen to them vent.
Remind them to eat, shower, and get out of bed. Losing someone dear can make anyone experience deep depression, check in on them frequently, and remind them they are on your mind. However, don’t be overly pushy or demanding, these actions can cause them to lash at you, even though you’re only trying to help. Be patient and understand they are going through a rough time. Time heals all wounds; friends help guide us through the pain.
While the longing to be able to see your deceased loved one will always remain in your heart, there will always be ways to get through the pain. Losing someone you care about cuts deeper than a knife and can make you want to shut yourself away from the world. However, this will only make things worse.
Having an outlet, a positive support system, and crying can help you overcome the loss of a loved one. Death is a part of life and is inevitable, the way you cope with death can either help you grow stronger as a person, or it can make you want to lock yourself away from society.
By keeping your mind busy and active with the support of friends and family, you’ll be able to overcome the harsh sting of death. Additionally, you’ll be able to help guide a friend through this rough part of life.
*HUGS* To everyone who is going through the death of a loved one.
This blog post is dedicated to my beautiful, loving grandmother Joann Price Cornelius, who passed away on February 6, 2019. You touched many people’s lives while you were alive. Your kind words and wisdom will continue to live on through everyone you inspired. You were one of the strongest women I knew, and many people looked up to you in awe. You may be gone, but you will never be forgotten. Rest in peace maw-maw, I love you.