Why Do Heartbreaks Happen: One Woman’s View

Heartbreaks can come from numerous situations, like not getting a promotion you worked so hard for, the death of a loved one, the broken promises of a parent never attending their child’s baseball game, etc. There are millions of reasons for heartbreak. However, this post will be focusing on why heartbreaks happen relationship-wise.

Everyone experiences heartbreak differently. Though, I believe there are feelings that we all experience. Down below are some of the emotions that come with heartbreak:

  • Sadness
  • Longing
  • Anger
  • Feeling lost
  • Broken

There are many more feelings associated with heartbreak, these are just the ones I thought of from the top of my head. A broken heart is painful and can sometimes make you doubt love ever again.

Keep reading below if you are interested in why heartbreak happens, how I’ve gotten through a few of my own heartbreaks, and some opinions on why I believe two people who loved each other deeply, fall apart and become strangers.

What is a Heartbreak and How Can I Overcome It?

According to the online Merriam-Webster Dictionary, heartbreak is crushing grief, anguish, or distress.

In my own words, heartbreak can be a living hell. Lying awake at night wondering why you were not good enough, thinking of ways to take everything back, the crushing feeling of your heart being stepped on, shattering from the amount of emotional pressure it is receiving.

Some people experience deep depression and/or anger through heartbreak. Especially when it comes to a heartbreak caused by the ending of a relationship.

Imagine finding that one person you believe you are going to spend your whole life, with whom you share beautiful memories and similar life goals. You are one hundred percent sure you have found your soulmate.

However, somewhere along the way, your partner decides they want to end it unexpectedly, or you find them with another person. Crushed, you cannot stop the overflowing tears, the squeezing pain of your heartbreaking, the anger of not understanding why it had to end.

Most of the time, heartbreaks happen unexpectedly, and some people have a hard time going through the heartache that comes along with unfortunate events. Here are a few ways I’ve personally handled heartbreak in the past:

  • Talking to a close friend. Real friends are there through thick and thin, tell you when you are wrong, and can be an amazing rock to lean on when times get rough. Be sure to be there for your friend when they need emotional support as well.

  • Journal how you feel. Writing out your feelings can be a great way to get everything out of your mind and onto paper. You can rip it up, burn it, or keep it as a reminder that you went through this heartbreak and came out stronger.

  • Ask yourself if there is anything you need to work on within yourself for the next relationship. Get to know yourself, know what you want out of a relationship, what you will not put up with, and stick to it. You are worth so much, never settle for less because of the feeling of loneliness.

  • Take the time to heal from the breakup. Try not to rush into another relationship to ease the pain. This often ends due to carrying leftover emotional baggage into the rushed relationship. It is okay to take time to yourself, treat yourself, and fall in love with yourself.

  • Realize things like this happen and try to find the lesson within the pain. Just as a flower needs to be pruned to grow, we need to prune any negative feelings and actions towards ourselves. Do not overthink, stress, or dwell too much on what-ifs and whys. Try to acknowledge that this is something that happens and move past it.

  • Go out. Do not lock yourself away and avoid the world. Go to a park and walk around, take pictures of the beautiful scenery, and breathe in the fresh air.

These are some of the things I have personally used and may or may not work for you.

Why Do Relationships End?

Please note these will be my own opinions on why relationships end and why heartbreak happens. Some of you may agree, and others may disagree, but that is okay.

We are all different with different and unique outlooks. I would love to hear some of your own opinions on why relationships end in the comment section down below.

So, why do relationships end, especially when it seems like two people are meant for each other? I believe there are many different factors on why two people, once so in love, fall out of love and become nothing more than strangers. I have provided several reasons why I believe relationships come to an end down below:

The honeymoon phase comes to a stop. What I mean by the honeymoon phase is the time period when everything is new. There are plenty of things to talk about, there is more effort with things like appearance, and being cautious when speaking, there are many places to explore, etc.

As I stated before, everything is new. When the honeymoon phase ends and couples become more comfortable around each other, things begin to change.

A lot of people do not embrace this change as a good thing. When someone becomes more comfortable around someone, they are more at ease. For example, a woman who regularly wore makeup to impress a new partner might start wearing it less.

Their partner may feel as if this means they are lacking in their personal appearance and may raise questions, thinking they don’t care to keep up their appearance. When in reality, it was because the woman became more comfortable. (This is just an example, it may seem shallow, but this happens all the time.)

Furthermore, when the honeymoon phase ends, things tend to get boring. When things get boring, sometimes it is easy to fall into the trap of talking to new people in a flirting way to try to regain that feeling of newness. When this happens, it is easy to neglect our partners and cause trust issues leading to the end of the relationship.

Sometimes people chase the feeling of a new relationship and end things when it gets dull. This is unfortunate, and it hurts, but it happens.

All you can do is remember to keep going forward, and one day, you will find that one person who will stick by you through thick and thin. If you do not that is okay too, being single is not a weakness.

Communication problems are another reason I believe relationships end. Everyone is different with different beliefs, opinions, priorities, etc. When there are constant debates and repetitive arguments, it usually boils down to not listening to one another. Sometimes you have to make a compromise for the sake of the relationship.

To add to the subject of communication problems, being a reason for a failed relationship is disrespectful communication when a problem arises. It is one thing to pull your partner to the side and let them know something is bothering you compared to yelling at them and arguing a point.

When people start to argue, and one tries to out-talk the other, the point of the disagreement is missed and often turns into either a yelling match or an I’m right your wrong scenario. Sadly, when this happens, no one is listening to anyone. This, too, causes many issues and can lead to a hasty end of a relationship.

Time is not on their side. Sometimes two people meet and are perfect for each other. However, time is not in their favor. For example, their dreams require them to go to college far away, and they do not have the time needed to keep a relationship afloat.

Relationships require time, trust, communication, and respect. Maybe one day, the couples who experience this heartbreak come back together even stronger than before.

Similarly, not giving a partner the time needed in a relationship can cause a relationship to come to a stop. Not giving your partner the time they need, can make them feel unimportant and have self-doubts.

This can lead to questioning and arguments. As I stated above, relationships require time, trust, communication, and respect.

Haunted pasts. What I mean when I say haunted pasts are relationships that have past emotional baggage from events that either happened in past relationships or from past emotional trauma. This can sometimes cause a barrier to the relationship before it begins.

People who have had a rough time growing up often have trust issues, which can cause many unnecessary problems within a relationship.

They are not trying to stir up trouble but often do. Some people try to subconsciously push others away out of fear. The same thing goes for those who experience abuse in previous relationships.

Haunted pasts can creep up and cause paranoia, unrealistic expectations, guarded emotions, and more. This is completely unintentional, though unfortunately, it still causes many ended relationships.

Being in love with the idea of love and not the actual person. When someone loves someone wholeheartedly, they do not wish to change that person, even if they disagree with some of the things they may say or do.

The acknowledgment of differences is there, and there is no force behind their actions of love. Loving them is effortless. There is no change needed, only a loving guiding hand through misunderstandings.

When someone is in love with the idea of love, they often try to change their partner to fit the concept of love they created. Or they try to become something they are not out of fear of losing their partner.

When this happens, a lot of frustrations and unrealistic expectations take place. Forcing someone to change, even for the better, usually has the reverse effect and can drive people away.

Similarly, changing your whole way of life out of fear of losing someone is being untrue to yourself, and later, you will find you are unhappy because you lost a part of yourself.


Changing and growing in a relationship is beautiful when done together, unforced. Unfortunately, many people try to force people into their idea of love, and it usually ends up in another reason why heartbreak happens.

Remember, these are some of the things I personally feel are why relationships come to an end. Let me know some of the reasons you believe relationships come to an end in the comment section below.

Conclusion

Unfortunately, heartbreak happens. However, there are ways to cope and deal with heartache. Going out and getting fresh air, having a friend to talk to, and journaling how you feel are all excellent ways to cope with a broken heart. Additionally, giving yourself time to heal helps you in the long run by not bringing in emotional baggage.

Furthermore, many things contribute to a relationship ending and causing heartache. Like communication problems and haunted pasts. Ended relationships happen, and the best thing to do is to keep going forward and try not to dwell on it too much.

I hope you were able to learn something new about why heartbreaks happen from this post. Understanding why certain things happen can help with understanding emotions attached to things like heartbreak. I believe the first step in overcoming anything is by understanding what you are trying to overcome.

Additional

Those who are experiencing a broken heart right now, I am so sorry you are going through this emotional pain. The heartache does stop, and you will grow stronger through this experience. Do not let the pain cause you to become bitter.

Always remember you deserve love, and happiness, and you are worth so much. Never settle for less due to the feeling of loneliness. *Hugs* You will get through this heartache with time, resilience, and a new understanding.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post and thank you to everyone who likes, comments, shares, and supports Motivational Coping and Healing’s mission to help others out of the darkest parts of their minds. You guys are amazing.

All constructive criticism is more than welcome. I am getting back into blogging and love to receive feedback on ways I can improve my writing.

Resources

“Heartbreak.” Merriam-Webster, Merriam-Webster, http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/heartbreak

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