The walls of the small therapy office began to close in. My eyes widened as the black moon tapestry on the back of the office wall, covered with images of the moon, nature, and stars, appeared to grow larger. As the walls moved in it was as if the tapestry was about to wrap me within it and strangle me. I found myself gasping for air.
My heart thudded harder and harder, tears stung my eyes, and my breath caught as I heard my therapist say softly, “I have to call this into Child Protective Services.” My eyes widened in fear, not knowing how my husband would respond. “No, no, no, I begged, “I’m scared of what might happen, he might hurt me,” I cried.
The therapist looked at me with understanding in her eyes and gently said, “I am legally required to report this to CPS. If you are afraid for your and your child’s safety I can try to get you into a women’s shelter. Do you have any friends that can help you get there if approved?” Shakily, I nodded yes, pulled my phone out of my Harry Potter backpack, and texted two of my closest friends.
Within minutes we had devised a plan to go to my house, get the items needed, and find a safe place for me to go until we heard an answer from a shelter. After we set up an escape plan my therapist made the call to CPS. It was then I knew my life was going to change forever. Despite the fear that gripped my heart, my determination to protect my son and me was greater. I proved to myself that I could survive any adversity I was about to go through for the next five months with the help of an amazing community and friends.
After I left the therapy session, my friend, we’ll say Brandon, came to get me to execute the first part of the escape plan. We drove to my house and packed as many trash bags as possible of my and my son’s items within 30 minutes. Brandon had a dentist appointment, we had to figure out where I would go.
I remembered the college I attended helped the homeless and suggested I stay at the college until he was done. The second step of the escape plan was to extend time as much as we could while I waited for a shelter to open. My friend, we’ll say Sarah, called my husband and told him my son, and I were spending the night with her for a few nights so the kids could have a play date, and we could have girl time.
Next, Brandon drove me and my son to the college. He dropped us off at the entrance. “Let me know when you are done with your dentist appointment, I’ll wait here,” I said as I waved goodbye. Walking up the stairs, with my son holding my hand, I began to cry. My son noticed and squeezed my hand, “It’s okay Mommy.” I smiled at him and dried my tears, “Thank you sweet boy,” I replied. Once inside the building I went to the front desk and asked if there were any resources available for women fleeing domestic violence. The lady at the front desk asked me to hold on while she went to retrieve the vice-chancellor.
After we went with the vice-chancellor, he told me we could use his office as a sanctuary while we waited for a shelter to call. He provided my son with snacks and took him to the bathroom when needed. Additionally, he had a woman come in and talk to me, who helped me look up resources that could aid me as I fled my husband. After about an hour I received a call from a women and children’s center, I had been accepted to stay. I felt a wave of relief flood my body and deep gratitude for those who helped me get this far.
Without delay, Brandon immediately took me to the women’s and children’s shelter after his dentist appointment. The women in the shelter checked me in and gave me a key to the room my son and I would stay in for the next five months. They assigned me a case manager, an advocate who helped get me a protection order, a child advocate who helped me get my son signed up for kindergarten, therapy, and parenting guidance, a housing agent to help me find stable housing and a sexual assault advocate who held a group for healing.
My brain was everywhere, I was in college, homeless, and had a small child to care for. I panicked at first but calmed down by writing out what I needed to do. One of the first things I did after I got to the shelter was applied for a school loan to have money set aside for when I found a place to live.
Secondly, with the help of a legal advocate, I asked the court for a protection order, which was granted for 30 days until court, which went horribly. My husband had bought a lawyer for $3,000. I did not have a lawyer, but I had photo and text proof of the years of physical and sexual abuse I went through. However, they used my past psychosis episode and past sexual assault history against me. I clammed up in court and could not speak due to the shock of being interrogated when I needed help. The judge awarded 50/50 custody and lifted the protection order. I was devastated and numb.
However, I pushed on. Lastly, I applied for any housing help I could find and was approved by HUD within a month. Now, I am in an apartment with my son, with 50/50 custody, divorced, and trying to navigate life, PTSD and parenting.
To summarize, my life has been a bit of a battle. Yet, I have overcome all obstacles with the help of friends and a great community of people. I have learned it is okay to be afraid as long as you keep going. One day you will reach where you are meant to be.
The unknown can be terrifying, but that is where true bravery comes in. If I had never spoken up in therapy I would have stayed in an abusive situation with my, now, ex-husband and would have our son taken due to the abuse. With that being said, Speak up. Speak out. Seek help. It is out there. You do not have to stay in abusive situations. The first step is always the hardest, but it is worth it in the end.
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
Domestic Violence Support | National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org)
Motivational Coping & Healing 
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