Stranger at the Gate Reflection

Reflect on a time when you had to confront your own biases or preconceived notions. How did this experience alter or change your perspective?

I have to confront my own biases and preconceived notions constantly. After going through traumatic events, I became highly paranoid of the people around me. Often thinking others are going to harm me. When I start thinking irrationally about others, I ask myself these five questions:

– What is my paranoid thought?
– Was there an identifying trigger for this thought?
– Do I honestly believe this thought?
– Can I research this and find different points of view?
– Do I feel better now, or do I need to talk to someone I trust?

I’m able to talk myself down when I follow this process. Thoughts can easily consume us and cause great harm if we do not learn how to self-monitor and ask important questions when being biased and making assumptions based on past experiences. I’ve learned that my own personal experiences are not grounds to assume the worst in people without knowing them.

I can relate to Mac from the video a little because I understand how the mind can tell you something and how past experiences can make thoughts seem true, which can cause people to react in ways that they believe are right but are not.

Think about a situation where you witnessed or experienced forgiveness and acceptance. How did this impact your understanding of compassion and empathy?

I’ve experienced forgiveness and acceptance many times throughout life, mostly from family. One of the most memorable times I experienced forgiveness and acceptance was when I was angry at my grandparents for placing me in a behavioral health hospital.

When I went on my home pass, I decided to order $500 worth of TV subscriptions to show how upset and hurt I was. Instead of them yelling at me, grounding me, or taking me back to the hospital early, they apologized. I was taken aback because I expected them to take me back to the hospital and leave me there. They were not angry; they were disappointed. They instantly understood why I was acting out and why I did what I did and forgave me.

This impacted my understanding of compassion and empathy by making me realize my grandparents were doing what they were doing out of love and concern. They knew I needed help beyond what they could give. I found a new understanding that day and apologized to them. I never did something like that again. Now, when my son does something out of anger, I don’t get mad. I try to understand where he is coming from and help guide him to a better response out of love.

Just as the community forgave Mac and helped change his life around, my grandparents did the same for me. It goes to show how small actions of understanding, compassion, and acceptance can truly help change someone’s life for the better.

Consider a moment in your life when you had to learn from your mistakes and strive to become a better person. What lesson(s) did you take away from this experience?

Oddly enough, I have a blog where I write about how I had to let go of certain toxic habits to become a better person in hopes of inspiring others to do the same. The catalyst that helped me realize I needed to change was the birth of my son. I realized my actions and behaviors were not ones I would want my son to display. So, I started working on the darker aspects of myself.

By working on the darker aspects of myself, I learned that I was responding to trauma and unhealthy coping techniques. I was too afraid to talk to a therapist at first, so I started reading self-help books and applying what I learned, such as how to think before reacting, not letting emotions control me, and how to create goals to get to where I want to go in life. After a couple of years, I gained the courage to go to therapy and am currently learning how to trust again.

I believe our mistakes can be our biggest growth potential. Mac was able to learn from his mistakes and live a happier life surrounded by a loving community who accepted him for who he was and did not make him feel bad for his prior plans. They understood he was troubled and showed him love, which helped him grow his own awareness, compassion, and acceptance.

What about you?