Being Kind in Unkind Situations

Have you ever been in a situation where even though you were being kind, rational, and compassionate another person was being rude, arrogant, and a complete jerk?

I know I have, many times. It’s hard to keep a level head when someone is bringing you down for no other reason than the pure joy of getting a rise out of you.

I’m not talking about miscommunication, or not understanding one another. What I’m talking about are people who deliberately go out of their way to be harsh just to get a response out of you. Times when being kind in unkind situations seem impossible.

In this post, I’ll be giving some helpful advice on how you can keep a level head when you find yourself in this type of situation. It may or may not help you, I am just offering some of the ways that help me through situations like these.

Though, I will be honest and say I’ve been on both spectrums. Where I’ve let my annoyance get the best of me and snapped off with a snarky remark to people who did not deserve my impoliteness. Though, I don’t go out of my way to be unfriendly.

There is a major difference when it comes to intentionally being insolent and blowing off steam out of frustration. If you find yourself unintentionally snapping at others, I wanted to let you know you are not a bad person, and everyone has their moments. You just have to work on being a little more mindful.

Keep reading below if you would like to learn about how you can stay calm and mindful during stressful situations like this.

Being Kind to Others Even When They Choose Not To Be

You may be sitting there thinking to yourself “why on Earth would I be nice to someone who is being ill-mannered?” I get it, I thought along the same lines not too long ago. If someone belittled me or cussed me out, I would return the favor without second-guessing. My motto was I’m going to treat you how you treat me. Sounds reasonable right?

I found out the hard way that this way of thinking is not reasonable. Here is a list of reasons why I say this:

  • You are causing your mental energy to drain by reacting out of anger, hurt, frustration, etc.

  • You may dwell on the situation hours, days, and sometimes years after the incident happened causing you to become angry all over again

  • It is not doing anything but adding fuel to the fire

  • You are causing yourself unnecessary stress by lashing back

Notice how I did not mention the other person on the list. If someone is intentionally being rude it’s more than likely to get a rise out of you.

They are not going to dwell on the situation, they are just going to be amused. Technically, you are being unfair to yourself when you allow yourself to react in the same manner as the person who wronged you.

I mentioned this to a friend, and she said something along the line of “why should an uncaring ass be treated nicely when they are being rude, it’s like they just get away with being dicks to people.”

Here’s what I told her:

I know it seems a bit of a paradox but hear me out. If a person is trying to get a rise out of you and they don’t get one they are more than likely going to get frustrated and cause themselves to become irritated instead of you.

Sometimes, people even take a step back and evaluate themselves and realize they were in the wrong. Surprisingly, you can even gain respect from said person. Let them do them and don’t worry about other people getting away with their crude actions. You must focus on yourself because we cannot control others around us no matter how hard we try. Even if we feel justified to do so.

Honestly, it is not about the other person at all. It is about you and how you choose what energies and situations you want to associate yourself with. If you don’t want to deal with back and forth arguments, situations that cause you to be mentally drained, etc., then choose not to react or react out of kindness. Not for them but for yourself.

Way’s You Can Practice Being Kind in the Heat of the Moment

Personally speaking, this is not an easy task and it’s not mastered in one day. The key is to be patient with yourself; even when you respond to situations in a negative manner.

I still have my days where I react out of old habits when someone wrongs me. However, now I evaluate the situation and think of ways to improve my reactions whenever it happens again. I also don’t let myself dwell on the interaction too much. It happened, it’s over, and all one can do is try to better the next time.

Here are some of the ways I am currently doing when I find myself in a heated situation where the other person is trying to intentionally bring me down:

  • Refraining from using words that could make the other person go into defense mode. (Like cursing, name-calling, belittling, etc.)

  • Asking them why they are saying demeaning things or acting like they are.

  • Letting them know how I feel in the moment in a calm manner and telling them why it’s not okay. (Set boundaries for yourself and stick to them. When setting boundaries make sure you know why that boundary is in place)

  • Thinking of the situation from their point of view by relating it to something similar you’ve felt in the past.

  • Walking away from the whole situation and distancing yourself from said person.

These may or may not work for you. I’m just giving you insight on how I handle people being less than kind.

This is great and all, but how does this help me?

As I mentioned a couple of times throughout this post, this may or may not help you. However, if you try it out and it does help, some of the ways it can help you are lessening negativity in your life by becoming more mindful. Which leads to becoming more aware of others as well as yourself. Lastly, you attract how you act. If you are acting rude, harsh, and unforgiving more than likely you are going to encounter these feelings and situations often.

Other ways this can benefit you:

  • Uncluttered your mind
  • Coming to understand your self-worth
  • Higher self-esteem
  • Less angry tense feelings
  • Less overwhelmed
  • Clearer thinking


Being kind to people who are being rude is not necessarily for them. Though it can help them open their eyes and realize their impolite behavior, which can lead to them trying to change themselves for the better. It’s so you can let go of the situation and not dwell on it. Angering you further. You got this, don’t let the hatefulness of others dull the rational part of your mind.

Thank you for taking time out of your day to read this post <3

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